


Too Pretty to Die

by misspamela



Category: Firefly
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2009-11-16
Updated: 2009-11-16
Packaged: 2017-10-03 02:17:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misspamela/pseuds/misspamela





	Too Pretty to Die

"I have to tell you," Mal said, evenly, to his captor, "I feel a mite naked without my gun."

"Your _gun_?" Simon squeaked. "What about the fact that you're not wearing _pants_?"

"Doc, given the choice between my pants and my gun, I have to say I'd rather have my gun right about now."

"I say we _get_ your gun right now," Jayne put in, "and mine too, while we're at it." He cracked his knuckles. "My fingers is gettin' all itchy."

"Now, boys," purred the bandits' leader, "no need to be hasty." She shoved a rifle in Mal's gut. "We don't want to cause a fuss."

Mal bit his lip in pain, cursing to himself as he tasted blood. Damned fool women. They'd ambushed Mal and his crew this morning, on their way to a routine drop. They'd meant to meet up with Davies, but instead they found three ladies, armed to the teeth, with a hankering for gold and, so it seemed, the male form. Just his luck.

 

"What are you going to do with us?" Simon asked, his eyes following the tall redhead with the knife. "Our shipmates will come looking for us, you know."

"And, should you have the mind to kill us, they'd most likely be stubborn about the whole revenge thing," Mal added. _Zoe, where the hell are you?_

The women burst into laughter. Tall Redhead sauntered up to Simon and drew the edge of her knife lightly around his chin. "Oh, no, darlin'. You all are too pretty to die."

"Oh, God," Simon whispered. He closed his eyes and swallowed with a big gulp.

"Mal, these ladies is just friendly." Mal could hear the smile in Jayne's voice, so he whipped his head around. The muscular, dark-haired one with all the guns strapped to her was gyrating against the general vicinity of Jayne's crotch. Jayne grinned at her. "Just 'cause they're a little enthusiastic ain't no call to be rude." He kissed the girl's ear. "I think �" "

"Which is why I don't pay you to think!" Mal barked. "Now, kindly get your brains out of your drawers and focus on the matter at hand." He caught Jayne's eye and flicked his glance toward the large vase next to Jayne's elbow.

Mal looked over at Simon, whose mouth was flopped open in shock as the redhead started taking off her shirt. Good, a distraction. "You okay, Doc?"

"A little disturbed," came Simon's faint reply. "but thank you for asking."

Mal nodded once, quickly, at Jayne. Jayne shoved the vase into the brunette, who toppled into her two friends, screeching loudly. Jayne stepped over them, grabbed his gun from the table, shot the leader in the leg and tied the whole crew up.

"Was the shootin' necessary?" Mal asked.

"Shootin's always necessary." Jayne replied, shooting the iron lock on the front door.

Mal and Simon quickly followed him outside. "Well," Mal said, "that was an unexpected turn of events." He held up the good-sized bag of coins that he had lifted from their leader in the confusion. "Still got paid, though."

"Well, all right!" Jayne cheered.

"Yes, but we're stuck here with no ride and no pants," Simon pointed out.

Mal laughed. "Well, Doc, that's where you come in." He gripped Simon's shoulders and steered him in the direction of the main road. "Now, show those nice townfolk some leg, and get us on out of here."

"I beg your pardon?" He looked, horrified, at Mal.

Jayne nodded seriously. "You heard the captain, Doc. Best get movin'."

Simon tentatively gripped the hem of his shirt and walked toward the nearest cluster of buildings. He kept shooting murderous glances back at Mal and Jayne, who waved back cheerily.

Jayne leaned over to Mal. "Isn't Zoe on her way?"

"Yep."

"You gonna tell the Doc?"


End file.
